In an effort to continue to pretend these Olympics will be the greenest games ever VANOC announced this week, at a sparsely attended press conference, that they will buy carbon offsets.
The six reporters in the room stifled a collective yawn at the announcement and the VANOC spokesperson fearing she was losing her audience quickly added that VANOC still had about $50 -$60 million left in their contingency fund, so it was important they spend it or it might go back to the taxpayers or something.
So what sort of 'carbon offsets' does $60 million buy you? Apparently for that princely sum VANOC can write off all of the carbon emissions from their 2,000 plus SUVs, their flights around the world promoting the Games and anything else they didn't think to put in their press release but might yet come up. "It will be like they were never here," said one observer. "Think of the millions of lives it will save," said another man, who as it turned out wasn't their officially but was in fact stalking Vice President Joe Biden and got lost.
Of course the vast majority of sane individuals are asking, 'well what exactly are carbon credits?' And that's the great thing, they can be just about anything; plant some trees in your backyard, there's a carbon credit, use fluorescent lightbulbs - carbon credit, low flow toilets (we know that makes know sense even by carbon trading standards) yup, carbon credit. 'So does that mean I can sell VANOC carbon credits for being a socially responsible individual?' Some of you may be asking. I'm afraid not my unwashed, Birkenstock shod friend. Carbon credits are traded by large companies that only deal with other large companies or organizations and only deal with carbon credits on a vast scale, like for instance Canada's boreal forest. 'But that forest already exists!' You would be right to exclaim but it would be in vain, carbon traders don't see an already existing forest they see untapped carbon offsets that will make them millions. And VANOC...well are you surprised that a large government bureaucracy would spend millions of dollars on something that serves no discernable purpose, you are? You aren't also by chance stalking the Vice President?
