So you're 35 and living in your parents basement, working at 7-11 and surviving on nacho cheese flavoured chips and root beer. The highlight of your week is the online forum of obsessive geeks (like yourself) who dissect the minutiae of the series Lost.
Then you read (online of course) that former action movie star and current governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger will be running the Olympic torch relay along the Stanley Park seawall - so what do you do? Well what any thirty-something arrested adolescent, with zero life prospects would do, you show up at 4 am and wait for the Terminator to come jogging along, so you can ask him,"Mr. Governor will you be back?"
"It's the moment of a lifetime," said one pasty faced, chubby fan, between lusty chews of his bear claw.
Unfortunately for him more than 1,000 other lonely, overweight Terminator fans also thought it was the chance of a lifetime. A CBC news report said almost all of them were males between the ages of 20-35 and few, if any looked if they had any meaningful interactions with a flesh and blood female (okay I made up that last part, but come on, we're all thinking it.)
four hours later they were still debating the best pop cultural reference to pose as a question to the California governor when he cam loping around the corner, with Premier/lap dog Gordon Campbell in tow.
Despite their almost complete lack of any sort of athletic ability or even coordination the lumbering mass of sweaty, chocolate milk stained men overcame the security cordon. One security guard had this to say about the sudden assault of grown men with absolutely no familiarity with personal hygiene waving Terminator and True Lies action figures at the passing superstar turned politician.
"The horror, the horror."
Campbell was overwhelmed in the ensuing melee, although the more nimble Californian governor escaped unharmed. As his guest trotted on ahead Premier Campbell made the best of a bad situation.
"Hey isn't this great, what a turnout," said the premier in his most oleanginous manner, even while taking an elbow to the jaw from an obese man in a size xxxxxl sweatshirt holding a Predator poster that he so clearly, desperately wanted autographed.
But it wasn't to be, just as soon as he arrived Schwarzenegger was gone again, like the mythical unicorn lost in the mists.
To the assembled men it slowly dawned on them that their moment had passed, their date with destiny had come and gone and now all that was left was Elfquest and Warhammer. Although it wasn't all disappointment.
"hey did you see me nail Cambpell?" Exclaimed the rolly, polly fellow with the Predator poster, who had now produced a burrito from somewhere within the folds of his corpulence.
"Yeah that was cool, hey can I have a bite of that?" said his compatriot.
