So James Cameron, a.k.a ‘King of the World’ got bitch slapped (figuratively speaking) by his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow who took home the Best Picture Oscar and Best Director Oscar for her film ‘Hurt Locker’ (the first time for a female director in 82 years). It was a tough loss for Cameron who had reportedly planned to crown himself ‘King of the Universe’ in his Oscar acceptance speech and then add, ‘so that means I like totally own all your asses.’
Fortunately the tyrant was sent packing and Cameron was forced to curb his desire for world domination, force a smile and was heard to mumble something to the effect, ‘she won? That bitc…I mean good for her.’
To add insult to injury many people commented on how much older Cameron looked than Bigelow, who is actually three years older than him – seriously have you seen this woman, she’s 58 and looks 38, what is she taking?
In other world domination news Premier Gordon Campbell (you knew it was only a matter of time until I got around to him again) has decided that since the Olympics produced such joyous outbursts from the local populace all holidays will now be Olympic themed, starting with Easter, which will now be known as ‘Olympic Bunny Hop Day.’
The premier will also create an entirely new ministry to oversea the conversion of all holidays (stat and non-stat, and yes that includes Ground Hog Day) into Olympic themed days; the ministry will be called the Ministry of Love. When informed that Ministry of Love was the same name as the nefarious centre for torture and mind control of a totalitarian state as portrayed in George Orwell’s book 1984 apparently the premier’s response was, “cool.” That is until some, somewhat more astute underling realized that wasn’t cool and the premier was forced to back down from his Ministry of Love proposal. And in fact the IOC is, as rumour has it, threatened legal action against the province over the Olympic themed holiday idea. So the premier is once again batting .000 percent on accomplishing anything constructive and he is still plagued by rumours of imbutain addiction. I mean really, just look at the guy, the maniacal looks, the delusions, the constant self-aggrandizement and the imaginary friends (some of whom are now actually on the provincial payroll) and it’s pretty clear…well it’s pretty clear he’s acting the way he’s always acted but I’m still putting it down to imbutain addiction.
Is it possible Campbell will do to the Liberal Party of BC what Bill Vanderzalm did to the Socreds? (For all of you Ontario residents that was the old Social Credit Party).
Insiders say it’s definitely starting to look that way and are considering the Ides of March as the ideal time to put the premier out of his misery (figuratively speaking) and bring in a new leader. If it does happen hopefully someone will be nearby to record the premier muttering “et tu Hansen?” as he is knifed 15 times (figuratively speaking) in the back on the steps of the provincial legislature.
Meanwhile Vanderzalm himself has risen Lazarus like from the graveyard of disgraced politicians on the strength of his recall petition on the dreaded H.S.T. If the idea gets legs perhaps Vanderzalm will ride a wave of grassroots support back to the legislature – farfetched? Perhaps, but then again Campbell has been elected premier twice, true he was up against Carole James, but still…
